War

I bumped into a post with this caption this morning as I was crawling through the internet,
"“I’m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.” it had a picture of a young man with tears streaming down his innocent chicks with eyes filled with glitter and zeal. I got my mind thinking and acknowledging that the perpetrators of war, seldom die in those warm, they are seldom in the firing line. Two people can disagree and end up affecting many generations to come, leaving a bitter legacy. It is all about humans learning to live together, acknowledging that we need each other to share this space. This world is a gift to all of us, not a single person can claim total ownership of it. Shared space comes with compromises and is utilized better when there is love.

Closed open doors

We each have plans, desires, wishes and plans as go about daily in life. We set goals for ourselves. We develop mind pictures of how life will be for us after certain number of years. We do not always do it consciously but as life progresses we wish to see ourselves a ahead of yester years. We celebrate when these plans, desires and wishes materialize. We thank God, jubilate and celebrate, proclaiming verses like "I am the head and not the tail", "He gives us the desires of our hearts", "prayer answering God", etc. but a time comes when our plans, do not go as planned, our desires are not fulfilled, etc. That is the time when we are quick to look around for somebody to blame.

I am now in my mid forties, only now do I fully comprehend the adage that goes: "education is a life long process". I sometimes feel like a tabula rasa, I oft feel like I am continually unlearning and relearning. It is like I knw nothing at all. I look back and ask myself, what really happened to the four decades of my life? I ponder, I wonder, I pause. There are things that are tangible that many can point at. It is easy to point at kids, certificates, degrees, houses, spouse, cars, etc. But what if you can't point at any of those? I daily learn some things can never be counted or enumerated. There is so much impact we exact in the spiritual that the physical being can never comprehend. We are eternal spirit beings and there is good reason why we had to live at this juncture in history within the confines of our bodies.

I am an African primarily because my body, which houses me, is a direct descendant of Africans in Africa. My lineage is traced here as far as everybody's memory and intellect can go. I am an African. Africa is my pulse, it is my heart beat. My love for this continent keeps growing by the day. I often feel like there is so much I need to imbibe about this continent and her people and there is simply no time. I am oft awestruck by the similarities between us down South and our siblings from other parts of the continent. Similarities in features, words, behavior, it daily affirms that we are intricately intertwined. That we do not seem to love ourselves that much is sad. That we seem to always hate our dark skin, our kinky hair and our deep tones, is sad. We seem to not be aware of the riches we are born in.

We are the world's princes and princesses that are ignorant of their royal lineage. The world over acknowledge that our home is a the cradle of human kind. It is everybody's knowledge that many super powers are where they are today because of slaves they from Africa and the minerals they looted and continue to loot from the continent of Africa. Humanity started here and Africans should teach the world how to love and care for one another. Africa bleeds. She bleeds for her children that never knew who they are. She bleeds because her offspring go all out to look like others, speak like others and hate themselves like they are hated. Africa bleeds quietly. Her oozing blood never ceases. Her pierced heart keeps pumping. The beautiful natural landscape everybody longs to catch a glimpe of, the inhabitants do not get to appreciate as they think the other is better than them, oh Africa, Why?

It has always been my dream to know my continent better. The more I plan to touch different areas, I see many open doors, flung wide open before my eyes. As I take a step to walk in, I learn the doors are actually closed, then I sit down with clasped hands, resting my head on them, wet by tear drops from the ever flowing heart, whispering quietly, "Africa I love you, I really love you Africa, you have made me who I am. I love you". We are now francophone, lusophone and anglophone, I saw doors closed that seemed open. They seem to be open to the ones who gave us this new identities, the originators of these languages, they walk boldly as they actually own this beautiful land. Africa you are beautiful, I love you Africa, I really do. Wipe off your tears dear Africa, put that beautiful smile back on, plait your hair, walk tall, it is almost dawn, closed doors shall open to your offspring and their eyes shall open wide. Those who walked in and looted shall realize and learn, some doors though open but are closed to them.

Restoration

We live in perilous times. Times of uncertainty and helplessness. Pessimism and despair abound. All these seem to negate the essence of the Gospel, where God's elect run from pillar to post searching for hope and sense of being. Nobody seems to pause and appreciate the wondrous and great things the Lord faithfully keeps doing for us. The Lord seems to be blamed for every calamity we bring upon ourselves as human beings, as everybody seems to cry, "Lord, why me?", "sala sewubuya Nkosi Jesu", etc.

It's been sometime I have been doing this and that in mission work, doing different things as the Lord leads, taking time out to listen to God, doing what I believe He says I should do, retreating to establish if I heard well and also seeking for a firm place to place my next step. The Lord has been good throughout.

It has never been a smooth sailing journey, but a remarkably peaceful and an enriching encounter with the Master: Character building, unlearning bad habits, reflecting and acting on directives, testimonies and confessions, hitting the wall sometimes having to reroute, learning the still affirming voice of the Holy Spirit and the peace and Joy that comes with total obedience to this voice. It is not always easy to obey this voice because it does not always make sense to our mortal selves, it is a continuous battle and struggle. The greatest struggle between mortality and immortality happens in the perpetual arena within us.

I am very grateful to have the Holy Spirit as an ever present Help. He never seems to get anything wrong, when grieved He never complains, despite the consequences being dire for us. This walk is amazing and humbling at the same time. In this materialistic work where things of great value are gauged in monetary terms, there is a voice that brings total peace that is available to each and everyone of us alike. At any minute, in every season.

My encounter with Mmamajoro and Jack in May on Africa day at Elim's church seemed like one of those reunions that are coupled with great nostalgia, that come and go like an unassuming whirlwind that appear from nowhere, causes a stir, then disappears the way it came. Somehow we kept in touch afterwards, as if trying to close almost two decades of not caring much about what the other is doing. The Lord had a purpose and He was going to ensure it is fulfilled. I have known them ever since I can recall my student days but have never really been very close to them. I attended their wedding in the North, attended their first born Ntwanano's first birthday while attending same church with them at ECC, that is the church I first belonged to when I moved to Pretoria. They have been acquaintances that were ever there so to say. Well besides in SUCA everyone is everybody's sister and brother, we are one big family until today although there would be some that naturally would be closer to others.

Well much earlier in the year, as we were reminiscing about our action packed outreach to Lubumbashi with Cedrick, I knew in 2015-2016 I had to be actively involved in church planting and I knew I had to be fully involved. This usually happens after I am through with one project, the Lord prepares for the next, in that way I have no room to say no when it comes because I am fore warned. I became anxious and looked around for most probable places, I thought it might be North West, later I thought of Mpumalanga, I was in the process of wrapping up my two year commitment with BOCC, I later gave up guessing and just left it to the one who said I will do it. The voice was so strong, it could not be challenged. When I did not get a clear direction about where to go and who I will be assisting, because it was crystal clear I was not to lead the new ministry; I then resorted to looking for a farm, to fulfill a vision the Lord laid in my heart more than a decade and a half ago, that of building a retreat centre. I convinced myself this is the time. As I do with everyone who the Lord brings closer to me, I shared the vision with Mmamajoro, I was convinced that I got somebody to be part of the board, etc as it happens when you meet somebody who seems to understand what you are saying. Many listen but few hear, a handful understand. The same as many are called but few are chosen. There are times when you need to be with the chosen before the called ones come, it is even better to be with those who hear from the chosen ones than those who listen. It is refreshing to get somebody who hears. She was excited and willing to support me, it was wonderful, I easily get excited by the way, even if there is little or almost nothing to be excited about, I seem to be able to derive joy from everything. I was excited.

Ah! These joys don't always seem to last, I got a farm which led me to another farm, I identified it, it was within the price range I could afford, I don't like stressing with things above my affordability. The bank checked my profile, everything was perfect, but turned me down, they said I cannot have two bonds and if I plan to rent out the one I stay in, I must rent it out six months before I apply for another one, with proof that rent gets into my account. I was disappointed but learnt the powerlessness of being a beggar. The house I call mine, is not really mine, it belongs to the bank I pay every month, the bond has bound me, I have to ask for permission from them for everything I want to do with the house. Reality struck, I almost do not own anything. Things I confidently call mine are not really mine,

Little did I realize this thing has hit me in a wrong way, everything seemed to crumble, I on the other hand have been working for all this while beyond my strength and my body started to report, somehow Mmamajoro picked it up and intervened. God's perfect timing. Before I knew it I was assisting her and Jack establish the ministry the Lord had laid in their heart. It turned out this is the church I was to plant in 2015. If the Lord had told me back in January who I would be assisting in church planting, I would have definitely said the Lord has really lost it or I am hearing a wrong voice, I would not even have listened twice. In His Wisdom the Lord has used avenues He knows I cannot escape from, He won once again. For the next two years I am with THoHR (The House of Hope and Restoration). It started much earlier than anticipated, a lot has been done already, the train is moving, the peace of God is moving with us. I just love this God, He is a best friend. Will look for another place to set my foot end of 2016, for now the Lord has kept me busy here. I thank God for the family at AFM family fellowship in Westview, it is not always easy being away for extended time, but it is all to the Glory of the one who commissions us.

I realize each time I am away that I really love my spiritual home (AFMFFW), I love the people, I love the fact that I was led there by God, I love the family, I am amazed at how I have grown since I started with this church ten years ago. I have not been immune from thoughts of leaving, different options I have considered but learning the voice of God and commitment to obey it, kept me, and kept me as sure footed as a deer.

I am daily learning that the spiritual journey is about being remade daily. It is about constant renewal. No absolutes besides those from and about the Creator of Heaven and Earth Himself. It is about being daily restored.

[This post although only posted now, was first drafted in November 2014]
Thanks for stopping by to read

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